The January Purge

By G. E. Shuman

A strange thing seems to happen this time of year, every year. For some reason, and I think I know what that reason is, people tend to get a form of ‘religion’ about certain things, right around the first day of every single January. This occurrence is one that has been happening as long as I can remember. Admittedly, that isn’t as long a time as it used to be, and I’m actually beginning to believe that that is a good thing.

As I just said, at least I think I just said, I think I know what the reason is for this sudden, annual bent toward commitment to some lofty goal. It is those lousy, well-intended but ill-reasoned, unnecessary and ultimately unsuccessful resolutions many of us force upon ourselves this time of year. I call this action the ‘January purge,’ and I will now tell you why I call it that.

You see, it’s sort of like a mental spring-cleaning that we do right at the ‘old’ year’s end. In our world, in our lives, things just sort of accumulate. They pile up on us, and I don’t just mean, (although I don’t exclude either,) physical things. We began ‘last year’ exactly as we are beginning this year. We wanted to make a change in some aspect of our lives. We wanted to start fresh, with our brand-new, bright and shiny new year. So, some of us made resolutions. Our good intentions were quite sincere, and we were dead serious about those resolutions. We resolved to steadfastly hold to those goals, and we were sure that we could do that. That’s why we made them in the first place, and, in fact, that’s why they are called resolutions, if you were unsure of that.

Not to depress you, just as you have made your ‘new’ New Year’s resolutions, but this is about how the following months progress for most normal, and some abnormal people. January usually floats along pretty well, even though we might slip up, just a bit. Then, simply because a month is a pretty short period of time, (especially if you have experienced a lot of months in your lifetime,) February is suddenly here, and we actually begin to forget New Year’s Eve, and things called resolutions. After all, it’s time to think about Valentine’s Day. The first resolutions to go are usually, no, always, those dealing with bad habits. I know this because I have had a lot of Februarys, and more than one bad habit. I don’t smoke, but love the quote from my old buddy Mark Twain, who said: “Quitting smoking is easy. I’ve done it a thousand times.” So, those bad habits are the first things to start piling up on us again. Next, we (or, at least, I) might forget a few goals and promises made to ourselves, (or, at least, to myself.) After all, we are all very busy. That expensive treadmill may get accidentally unplugged, and silently returned to its intended purpose of providing a place to hang freshly-ironed dress shirts. (Remember the old Paul Simon song, “Slip-Sliding Away”? I think he wrote that song to be played in the months immediately following New Years Day, and, perhaps, after the swearing-in of each new United States Congress, (So far, at least.) Next, you, (this time not I) might start using that ol’ credit card again. You remember. It’s the one you vowed, on New Years Eve, to get rid of? One little charge won’t make any difference, after all. And, even though you are totally committed to keeping your pledge to lose fifty pounds by summer, one tiny piece of cake won’t hurt a thing. You’re just eating it so that you don’t insult your host. Right? And, you already consumed that box of Valentine’s Day chocolates anyway. So, the diet thing has already begun slip-sliding away. You, also, haven’t actually gotten around to making amends with that irritating person you have promised yourself and the world that you would get along with this year, somehow.

See how things can pile up? Before any of us know it, most of us might as well have never made those lousy resolutions in the first place. We end up with that same feeling in the pit of our stomachs that is sometimes called ’buyer’s remorse.’ I have wondered for years why in the world we do such things to ourselves, over and over and over again.

My wife and I ’get rid of’ the holidays this week. She carefully packs away the Christmas and New Years stuff, and I go through the house, with vacuum cleaner, mop and duster at my side, ’throwing out the old,’ as they say. We attempt to start over, although I do like the reminiscent scent of Christmas tree needles in the vacuum cleaner for the next month or so. To me, ’in with the new’ would best be handled by ’in with nothing new’, but I know that’s not how it goes. It will still be good to make a fresh start in this bright new year, (including the new Congress.) I just won’t do it with resolutions.

My opinion and advice on how to start over this year is to just decide to do it. Don’t wait, don’t hesitate, don’t procrastinate or ‘codgertate’ too long. Be a man, unless you‘re a woman. Don’t over-think the situation. ‘Make that change’, as Michael Jackson wisely advised in his Man In The Mirror song, and move on. (Admittedly, I think old M.J. spent a bit too much time looking in that mirror.)

If your goal happens to be a TRULY spiritual one, that’s the best kind of all. The State of Vermont may not allow u-turns, but God does. I’m very glad of that fact. Happy New Year!