A Quick Plumbing Lesson

By G. E. Shuman

            When I write on certain subjects, I always want to make clear that this is an opinion column. The opinions expressed here, in this space, are not necessarily those of the publishers of the paper, or of anyone else, for that matter.  They are my opinions.  Hey, it’s my column, after all.  So, please, if you are in disagreement with this column, or any other one of mine, don’t take it out on the paper, or anyone else.  Feel free to blast me if you want.  I’m a big boy, and, as a matter of fact, that point might be a good segue into the subject at hand.

            Yes, I am a big boy. In fact, I am probably bigger than I should be, and, at my advancing age, am actually more of an ‘old’ boy, than just a big one.  Whichever is the case, one thing is for sure, and that is that I am, and always have been, of the male gender; a ‘boy’, if you will.  Frankly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I do realize that there are others of my sex that actually would have it another way, or ‘the’ other way, and that is certainly their business, not mine.  I know how I feel about such things, but I am far from being anyone’s judge. 

            Having said all of that, and meandering precariously and awkwardly into this subject, I must say that I cannot agree with our President, and others, who seem to be forcing their opinion onto all of us, concerning recent ‘gender’ issues.  In a way, they are taking the role of our judges, if they say that it must be accepted to allow a man, simply on the basis of which gender he ‘identifies with’, to enter and use a ladies public bathroom.  To me, and to many others, allowing this, and demanding it be so, will soon bring about some very terrible crimes in those rooms.  Little girls use those bathrooms, as do elderly, helpless women, and, although some males may actually feel more comfortable using that facility, there will be no test of intentions given to men before they go there.  If our President has not considered the probability of an increase in child molestation, rape, robbery, and abuse in demanding that our country accept this new ‘rule’, then I would suggest he has not thought it through.  Either that, or he doesn’t care about the safety of women and children.

            For several years, in one of my ‘past lives’, I assisted a friend of mine in his plumbing business.  While not being an expert in the trade, I can tell you that there is one thing that bathrooms all have in common.  I learned this the first time I had to help him unclog someone’s old toilet.  Whether you are fixing a sink, toilet, shower, or tub, those things are all alike.  They, and bathrooms themselves, are all about plumbing.  And, as you may have already guessed, so are we.  I remember, way back when I was not just a ‘boy’, but a very young boy, my dad and I were in the plumbing department of our local hardware store.  As we left, Dad was at a loss for words when I asked him what the store clerk meant when he asked my dad if he needed the ‘male’ or ‘female’ fitting,  for whatever project he was working on at the time. 

            While trying to not be indelicate here, I would suggest that, if you are confused about which public restroom to use, a quick look down the next time you are in your own bathroom should be reminder enough.  If you see male plumbing, use the boys’ room, if female plumbing, then use the girls’.