Saturday, May 21, 2016

No Green Thumbs Here


By G. E. Shuman

                Most years, by the time the month of May comes around, I have figured out what strange attempt I will make that year, in my annual, nearly futile effort at growing a few vegetables at our home.  This year, it’s already June, and I haven’t given the ‘garden’ much thought, yet.  It would be easier if I just didn’t try, but I probably still will.
                We live in Central Vermont, and garden space for most people here is not a problem.  Unfortunately, at least in some ways, we have a very large home, on a very small lot in our town.  In other ways the size of our lawn is fine with me, as mowing has never been something I look forward to.  (I think that I should have carpeted our yard, years ago.  Vacuuming is easier than mowing.) 
                Anyway, I always try to grow at least a few tomato plants, usually in big pots out beside the front porch.  I have had limited success with this.  I’ve never tried to figure out how much each of those poor past tomatoes actually cost me to grow.  You do have to buy the tomato plants themselves, plus the pots, potting soil, and I always take the ever-optimistic action of getting tomato cages, just in case the plants get really big, ‘this year’.   I’m pretty sure I would have to harvest a lot of tomatoes to make this make any financial sense, so I try to just not think about that.
                Last year, in addition to my potted tomatoes, I did something my daughter, Faith, suggested, as I have little space to grow things, as I have said.  She told me that if you buy a few very large bags of potting soil, and just lay them along the edge of your house, they can become nearly effortless and weed less mini-gardens.  The words effortless and weed less sounded good to me, and the plan actually worked quite well, or at least as well as any other garden idea has for me. What you do is just use a razor knife and cut circles on the potting soil bags, about six inches apart.  I used a large mug as a template, and it was extremely easy to cut very uniform circles in the soil bags. You also poke a few holes in the back side of the bags, for drainage.  (You do this first, or you’re going to dump all your potting soil out. I would be terrible at writing directions for anything.) Then you simply plant your seeds in the circles, and they thrive in the weed less, rich environment you have provided for them.  How cool is that?  The thing I did wrong last year was to get too excited about it, and try to plant too many types of vegetables in the small space. I did get string beans, squash, and some cucumbers from my little ‘family plot.’ Again, I would never try to figure out how much each of those cukes cost me.
                It’s strange, but my wife is at least as bad as I am when it comes to keeping things alive.  We do have a small dog who, seemingly, will live forever, but that’s about it.  Every spring we get hanging baskets of flowers for the front porch, and every year we kill them off within a month or two. I sometimes think we don’t water them enough, then we try watering them more, and within several weeks we don’t need to water them at all.  It’s very sad. We used to get really big, expensive baskets to hang up, but have realized that it makes more sense to kill a few twelve dollar pots of flowers than it does thirty dollar ones. 
                I was thinking of how I would address this issue, in this column, as I put the dogs out early this morning.  I stood there with them, looking at the big leaves that have already burst forth from the maple trees on the front lawn, and the huge lilacs on the bushes beside the house.  Then I realized that those things have been growing for many years, without my help at all.  How dare they? I have never, ever watered those lilac bushes, and would look pretty stupid watering a huge maple.  I guess God’s a better gardener than I am, and I’m okay with that.
               I hope you have much success with your garden this summer.  Some people have green thumbs, and then there are the people who live at my house.  If I was smart, I would spend more money at the farm stands, and less in the garden department this year.  But, I never said I was smart.

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