She Left Me

By G. E. Shuman

She left me, you know. She really did. After nearly thirty-eight years of wedded bliss… (Well, bliss is sort of a strong word.) she packed a bag and left last Saturday, February 20th. I know what you’re thinking. You can’t believe it. Just think how I feel. Our daughter Emily flew south with her, leaving my poor son Andrew and me to fend for ourselves this long, cold February week. I hope we don’t starve or something. Oh, woe is me! This, all happening during Andrew’s basketball playoffs week, no less.
I just have to wonder what I did to make this happen. There are so many questions. Could I have prevented it? Why did I not see it coming? I really should have known, with all of those recent phone calls to travel companies. And the internet searches I saw her doing, (for hotel rooms, no less)… Oh, woe is me again! I know it now, that all of it was planned weeks in advance. And to think, she never let on that anything was wrong, IF anything was wrong. I guess the spouse is often the last to know. Then there was the day she actually called me at work to ask if I knew where the luggage was. How naïve could I have been? Indeed, how naïve I was! I guess I was just blinded by love and trust. And then there was the new haircut that very week, and the new clothes that ended up in that luggage I actually helped her locate. Wow! My only consolation is that two of our grown daughters and their families are where she is, and will, hopefully, keep an eye on her.
How in the world could things have gone this far? And, do you know what I learned about the one she went to meet? Well, I hate age discrimination, and I’m not a racist. The one she went to see is actually much older than I am, which I could barely believe. He is also black, which is fine with me. I don’t care what color someone is, especially if they are someone whom my wife packed her bags to go be with! You know? But you should see the EARS on this guy! I have seen pictures of him. Come to think of it, she has had pictures of him in our home for years! How stupid could I have been? Anyway, his ears are just huge! What in the world could he have that I don’t have? If I had ears like that she never would have married me in the first place. And what about those silly red pants with the big white buttons on the front? What’s up with that?
Waxing a bit melancholy here, I must surrender to the idea that at our age the ‘new’ may have worn off a bit. “The bloom is off the rose”, as they used to say. Or, I think they used to say that. I never actually said it myself, before now. Perhaps she just needed a little diversion; a few thrills, a bit of amusement, a short ride on the wild side.
So, here I am, waiting… poor pitiful person that I have become. Fool that I am, just waiting for her return. And she will return. I am sure of it. By the time you see these words in the paper she will already be back, I know. And I will take her back. (That’s just the kind of guy I am.) Yes, I will! Am I weak? Am I insane? No, I am merely in love.
She will tire of the castle, the thrills, and that big black mousey-looking guy with the deceptively friendly smile and the huge ears. At least, I hope she will. I will meet her, and our daughter at the airport, and let this whole magical affair slip silently into our past. The next time she goes to Disney World, I hope it’s on a week when Andrew and I can go with her.