For Sale or Rent: One Slightly Used Business Manager With Writing Experience

By G. E. Shuman

For reasons known, or at least understood only by God and my former employer, I have very recently joined the ranks of the unemployed. This is a less than desirable position for me, having been ‘on the job’, or at least on some job, every week since before I was eighteen. I have found that having time off is one thing, and wonderful. Having forced time off through the elimination of a position is another thing, and not so wonderful. This new situation is one I fully intend to remedy as soon as possible, before the money runs out, and before I drive my wife crazy here at home.

My weekday, for the past week, (As if you can hardly wait to hear this,) has gone something like this: Get up at six, as usual, then shower, dress and begin searching the online job markets, coffee mug at my side, pen in my mouth. After several hours of this I might break for a bit of important work, like watering the plants, or putting a load of clothes in the washer. Or it might be for REALLY important work, like refilling that coffee mug. If need be, as an expert at multi-tasking, (Something all online job descriptions require,) I actually possess the ability to do all three of those tasks, practically at the same time. I can fill the watering can while sugaring my coffee, and carry the can in one hand while picking up a basket of dirty clothes. I need to add that stuff to my resume.

Then it’s back to the computer desk, for a stint at emailing cover letters, with that (virus-free) resume and references carefully attached. In no time at all it’s time for ‘Lunch with Lorna,’ (Doesn’t that sound like the name of a cooking show?) and perhaps a walk, and a chance to let out the dog. You’ve got it, more multi-tasking. Not to mention the many short prayers along the way. One day last week Lorna and I even went on a leisurely grocery shopping trip together. That was enjoyable. It gave me the chance to practice shuffling along behind Lorna and her grocery cart, as most of the other husbands I saw were doing. My afternoon is just chock-full of exciting follow ups, and calls to contacts and business friends, asking them to wrack their brains with ideas to save me from any more of this. By now you’re probably hoping someone will save YOU from any more of this. It’s easy for you. You just have to turn the page. I have to turn a big corner. That was a pretty contorted metaphor, but it’s my column.

We have all heard sayings like “Every cloud has a silver lining.” and “If life hands you lemons, make lemonade.” In this situation, as in most other challenges of my life, my silver lining, or linings, are my dear and patient wife, my loving family and concerned friends. All of these people are very likely sick of me by now. And it’s only been one week. My wife, especially, with her hugs and encouraging words, would probably love to have me out of her hair, and into my car heading off to work. And who could blame her? The lemons, in the other saying, are my sour feelings toward people I worked hard for. They are my unshared, repeated inner thoughts that people likely cannot recognize integrity in someone else, unless they possess some of it themselves. Whoops, I guess they’re not unshared thoughts now. Forget I wrote that. Okay? I know that making lemonade of those lemons requires my forgiving them for this thing that they did, so that I can successfully move on. I have decided to make that lemonade, as difficult as it is to make, right now.

For those of you with me in my unemployment ship: “Take heart, me maties!” (There go those pirate movies again.) I have found that finding a job is a full time job, but it is much easier when done with lemonade. For those of you others who may be looking for help, I know of a slightly used business manager with writing experience, for sale or rent. Please come and get him. My wife will love you forever. (vtpenner@verizon.net)

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