Potholes

A Nonfactual History and Guide
By G. E. Shuman

Let us consider the pothole. Yes, the lowly, humble, unappreciated but pesky pothole. Often looked down upon, or down into, the pothole is anything but a new occurrence, and holds a rich place in human history. Neglected and taken for granted, as if they were everywhere, probably because they are, the pothole has become the scourge of vehicle operators and pedestrians everywhere.

Long before the white man, or the black man, or the Asian man settled on our continent, Native Americans related ancient tales of potholes to their children. Over several centuries of northeastern tribal life, the legends grew of the mischievous god Wannatripu, and his efforts as a literal stumbling block, more precisely, a stumbling hole, to the people. The tale is told that Wannatripu would lie in wait, after digging small or not so small holes along the wooded trails of the north. The Indian god would often be heard laughing, as the wind, as someone fell prey to his pranks, stumbling and falling in their journey. To those natives, the pothole was a sign, a reminder that their best efforts in life were in getting back up, and continuing on, after a fall.

Even further back in history, the ancients recognized that destructive, unholy pothole forces were at work, disabling wagons, crippling horses and the like. The Greek term: ‘axelus ruinus’ described the disabling of a chariot by means of a pothole, in only two words. Another term: ’jiggleus posterium’ likewise aptly labeled a common malady of those days, which manifested itself in wood splinters and abrasions in buttocks, due to the friction and jostling of riding over pothole-strewn roadways. In ancient Italy, in the quaint celebration of Pasta’pota’hola‘, large cook pots filled with spaghetti were lowered into wood fired pot holes, for a street-level neighborhood feast eagerly anticipated each spring. It is said that the tradition began after one old Italian citizen successfully maneuvered his horse drawn cart ‘past a pot ahole’a”. How special!

Now, as throughout history, potholes appear in many shapes and sizes. One type, called ‘gentle’ potholes, are simply gradual sloping dips in the roadway. They form from several years of road neglect by a city, and as many years of weather and tire wear. Many such gentle potholes can be found not far from my own home in Barre. Upon close examination, such gradual potholes reveal many layers of old pavement strata in their sandy, crumbling walls. Secondly, there is the famed ‘pothole’s pothole.’ This interesting roadway feature is thought to be caused by so much neglect that a pothole has actually formed INSIDE another pothole. Wow! Another type of pothole, which I refer to here as ‘pothole surprise’ is the very deep, roundish, steep walled type, and filled to the absolute brim with rainwater. In colder weather, this all may even be capped by a nice thin layer of ice, further enhancing the illusion that either there is no pothole there at all, or that the hole is surely not a deep one. What fun! How exciting when, to everyone’s surprise, your car hits one of those holes, jostling you and your passengers, spilling everyone’s coffee in their laps and evoking small screeches of surprise from all the females, and some of the males in the car. At slightly higher speeds, such potholes unleash the extra punch of a flat tire, or even the dreaded bent wheel effect. A further pothole type is simply referred to as a ‘crevasse.‘ This hole in the pavement or gravel road appears approximately the size and shape of The Grand Canyon, when viewed from very close up. It also appears approximately the size and shape of The Grand Canyon, when viewed from far away. One of these potholes just loves to suck in a front tire and direct your car in the direction it deems best, which is never the direction YOU deem best. Try as you might to get out, that little dickens just sucks your car further in, teasing you into calling a tow truck. The last type of pothole I will describe is known more for it’s proliferation, than for it’s size or shape. I call these holes, collectively, the Sea of Tranquility, in reference to the area on the moon of the first Apollo moon landings. As you guide your car around such potholes, you can almost imagine what it was like for those brave astronauts to drive their lunar rover over and around the many craters they encountered. Hats off the the men in brown, like Gerald Papineau, who negotiate the earthly craters each day and still return to the center each night with a smile and a bit of chocolate for their co-workers. Write to me at my blog and I’ll explain why that last sentence is here. Good grief.

So there you have it; a brief, if less than completely accurate history of the lowly pothole, and descriptions of the most common types around. For a first hand look at them in real life, some great viewing can be enjoyed right on north Main Street in Barre City. Just get in your car and follow the road past the Allen Lumber, Cumberland Farms, North End Deli Mart area, for the ride of your life!