No Parking

 

By G. E. Shuman

 

          I am not a shopper. After many years in the retail industry, there are about a million other things I would rather do than ever enter a store. Still, I occasionally, (more often than I want to admit) have to do just that. Big box stores, especially, bother me. I think it’s because they’re big boxes. There is something about walking through an entryway, into a store, and then about another quarter mile to a back corner of that great room to pick up the one thing I need to buy from them.

That, in addition to first trekking across a massive parking lot just to get to the building. I used to think the walk across the pavement, dodging behind the cars while watching for backup lights was good for me and I would not try to get a spot close to the store. That all sort of changed for me when a friend of mine was accosted and robbed in the back of a lot, trying to stay healthy.  The good part is that she’s okay… but her purse was not seen again.

Now I do try to park as close to my destination as possible, and while this usually works out after a few spins around the lot, if the weather is bad I am always the last one seated in the game of ‘musical chairs parking,’ and seem to end up being the wettest shopper in the store. Hence, the theme of this column.

Have you noticed, as have I, that there are a lot of different no parking signs these days? They’re actually specialized parking signs, ‘reserved’ space signs, but for me most of them end up meaning No Parking. I absolutely agree with having disability parking, and would never take one of those spaces. Still, it perturbs me a bit to find an open space only to get close and find that it is reserved for, let’s see, Online Shoppers,  Pick Up Orders, (I don’t have a pick up.) New Moms, (How about Old Moms?) Compact Cars, Motorcycles, Police Parking, (I guess I understand that last one.) There is also Veteran parking, which may be a good idea. Veterans? How ‘bout Veterinarians, Vegetarians, and Vegans?  I’m waiting to see my first Trump Haters parking space, or MAGA space. 

What I’d really love to see is a sign that just states: ‘This Space is for Some Ordinary Person who has no Special Reason for Parking Here, other than They Just Decided to Visit our Store Today.’ That would probably be a big sign, but you get my point.  I’d settle for one that said, ‘Parking for Left-Handed Old Guys.’ I could park there.