Things That I Believe

By G.E. Shuman

Dear Readers:

This column is a slightly updated version of one used in the paper several years ago. When I repeat a column I like to make that fact known, so that no one thinks I'm 'cheating', even if I am. I feel that, in this Independence Week, it is good to reflect on a few things that might be worth believing. I hope you agree.

Several days ago I began thinking about some of the big things and not so big things that I believe. Then I started writing those big and little things down. I’m not sure why or if anyone would be interested in reading this partial list of what I believe, but here it is anyway. (Most of the thoughts are mine, but one or two were picked from whatever part of my brain stores ideas stolen from others.) If some of these beliefs sound abrupt, it’s because I’m getting cranky in my old age. I do not mean to offend. Consider the source, and consider yourself warned.

I believe that technology is good, but that following it blindly into the future may not be so good.

I believe that all men, women, and born and not-yet-born children, are created equal. I also believe that, to believe this, you must first believe that they are created.

I believe that if your teenager is asking for a fight, you should not disappoint him.

I believe that intolerance of everything is wrong.

I believe that tolerance of everything is wrong.

I believe both in parachutes and seat belts. It’s just that more people are killed by not using seat belts.

I believe that “gratitude is the best therapy.” (My favorite bumper sticker.)

I believe that "you are a long time dead." (My favorite Yiddish saying.)

I believe that men should remove their hats when entering a building. This includes baseball caps. This also includes my disbelief that this one has to be mentioned.

I believe that everyone should honor their father and their mother.

I believe that corporal punishment should be permitted in schools, and administered liberally to deserving students and their parents.

I believe that Metamucil* works, and that I still will never buy it. (*The word Viagra may be substituted for the word Metamucil here.)

I believe in the resurrection of the dead, and not just when the work day is over.

I believe in my wife, my children, my grandchildren, and even my sons in law.

I believe that Hitler would have loved the idea of abortion in the U.S.

I believe it is possible for schools to become so attuned to the social needs of students that they lose all hope of actually educating them.

I believe in the hereafter, but that it is here, and after.

I believe that twelve brave men walked on the moon. I believe that twelve braver men walked with Jesus.

I believe that you become a political conservative when you mature, and that you don’t, if you don’t.

I believe that there is no place like home. (I really do.)

I believe that God allows U-turns. (And I’m glad He does.)

I believe in hot coffee in the morning.

I believe that all living things are organic. What else could they be?

I believe that you should eat and drink what you like, that other people should do the same, and that everyone should mind his own business.

I believe that Charlize Theron is the world’s best movie actress, regardless of her acting ability.

I believe that these are the good old days.

I believe that less is very often more.

I believe that God answers prayer.

I believe that adoption is a great way of guaranteeing that you get good looking children.

I believe that we are all faced with a series of great opportunities, brilliantly disguised as impossible situations. (My Dad taught me that one.)

I believe that life may exist on other planets, but that even if it doesn’t, we are far from being alone in the universe.

I believe in miracles.

I believe in Cinnabons with the hot coffee in the morning.

I believe that forgiveness is easier to get than is permission.

I believe in using the television’s ‘off’ button, frequently.

I believe in equality of the sexes, except that women are much better looking.

I believe that we are to be good stewards of our planet, but that mankind thinks too highly of himself if he thinks he can destroy it.

I believe that humans should never cause the extinction of an animal, but that we deserve to be here, too.

I believe in the Golden Rule. I also believe that if you don’t know what that is, you are probably a young person living in the U.S.

I believe in second chances, and third chances and fourth chances, just like God does.

I believe that each species of animal has its own special place in the world. I still view chickens as the dumbest animal God ever created, and believe that their place is right next to the mashed potatoes.

I believe in freedom of speech, and that displaying a crucifix in a bottle of urine is not speech.  If it is speech... what is it saying?

I believe that dogs, cats and other domesticated animals are pets, and that pets are purchased, and children are adopted. My family owns two dogs. I am not their daddy, and my wife is not their mom. I have eleven grandchildren. You may be able to have grand dogs.  I cannot, and would not.

I believe that there is a plan for each of our lives, and that we are perfectly free to ignore that plan, completely.

I believe that a person can be forgiven for any offense, but still may face the consequences of that offense.

I believe that living with teenagers is likely the reason gerbils eat their young.

I believe that Americans should honor and respect the flag of our great country. If any feel the need to burn or otherwise desecrate it just because this is a free county and they can, I believe they should try doing it in downtown Beijing with the Chinese flag, and soon.

I believe in the right to bear arms. In the event that our government ever became oversized, overbearing, overtaxing, and morally impotent, our forefathers saw the value in a combination of testosterone and gunpowder.

I believe it is a parent’s responsibility, not the government’s, nor the school’s, to “train up a child in the way he should go.” This is one reason becoming a parent when you are still a child has never been a very good idea.

I believe that abortion kills a human baby every time it is performed.

I believe that abstinence works every time it is tried.

I believe that there’s always room for Jell-O, but I still won’t eat it.

I believe that marriage was intended as a lifelong union between one man and one woman. It is my opinion that any other arrangement shows a misunderstanding of morality, anatomy, or both.

I believe that everything that is was created by a loving, all powerful, all knowing God in six short, actual, twenty-four-hour days, about six thousand years ago. Yes, I really do. I lack the necessary faith to believe that hundreds of millions of years ago this all fell together by pure accident, especially when I look at my eleven grandchildren.