Turn It Around, Man

By G. E. Shuman

The habit of turning one’s baseball cap sideways, or around backward, is something I have long chuckled at. It looks like a fine and youthful thing to do, when done by fine and youthful people. Also, ladies in hats look great, to me, no matter how they are worn. I know, it’s not fair, and it‘s not fair that I don‘t care if someone thinks that it‘s not fair. My chuckling, which has lately become more in amazement than in amusement, happens when I see people who are supposed to be men, with such an anything-but-manly appearance, under one of those backwards caps. To me, it looks like either the cap is headed in the wrong direction, or the person is, and I am not always sure which is the case.

I bring this subject up, because, somehow, it seems related to a much more serious phenomenon occurring in our country. That, being the total shirking of responsibility by many of our young men today. Think of this. What extended family line today does not contain young women raising young children, alone, with no one’s help but that of Uncle Sam, because fathers act like children, and abandon the results of their own actions? No, I am not blaming backwards baseball caps for abandoned families. I am blaming aging juveniles for abandoned families. In this, we can also not excuse the female side of the equation. For better or for worse, sometimes, one plus one does equal three, or more. Indeed, it does take two to start the equation, at least in my day it did. The mother is likely as much at fault as the father, but is also the one left holding the baby and the burden, at the end of the day, and at the end of the equation.

Guys, I’m sorry, but you can be spotted a mile away, and, I‘m also sorry to chuckle at how ridiculous you sometimes look. A person has only to take one drive downtown, in most any downtown. You are everywhere, you are anything but individual in your attire, and your attitude of self-centered rebellion is more than obvious. You know, unless you are a catcher in a baseball game, that cap visor really was meant to shield your eyes so you can see where you are going. In some cases, in retrospect, I guess backwards might suit, after all. The three-day growth of beard shows that you are no longer a boy, even though you may dress like one. The visible tattoos don’t make you look tough. They do make you look like you let someone use thousands of tiny needle pricks to inject ink under your skin. Wow. The ‘wife-beater’ undershirt, (See how elegant our slang has become?) looks pretty cool with that pair of huge shorts that cover your ankles better than they do your butt. Guys, I have a serious question. Is that a swagger, or are you just having trouble walking, with your boxers above your butt, and your belt below it?

You’re right, I am prejudging, and that is wrong, wrong, wrong. It is possible that when I see you on the street, you are walking to work to support your family. If so, I’m proud of you, no matter how you look. If, and I mean IF, instead, you are approaching thirty, still living with mom, (Not with the mother of your child.) and you are actually walking to a friend’s house for a day of playing video games, you might want to re-think that.

Man-up, men, face your responsibilities, and reap some worthwhile rewards. You seem to have been able to be there for the conception. That part was easy. (Hee, Hee, Hee, Yeah, that was COOL, Man!) You know what? Just grow up! This would be a good time to have someone slap you, if someone is nearby, and tell you to pull up your saggy shorts, for Pete’s sake! Go ahead, find someone to slap you… I’ll wait. It’s time for you to be there for the delivery and the diaper changes, the teething and the terrible twos, but also for the dreams, the diplomas, and the college degrees. Get your life turned around, before you’re a granddad and still wearing your belt below your butt. Hint: If you also turn that cap around it really could help you see where you’re going.