Balsamic Vinegar

By G. E. Shuman

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Jews and Gentiles, just and unjust, men, women and children of all ages, sizes, races, creeds and even political persuasions, step right up to see the ultimate culmination of the accumulated knowledge and wisdom of the entire history of mankind! Yes, men and women, boys and girls, feast your eyes on the miraculous essence, the healing balm, the bountiful blessings of the fortuitous fluid within the bottle before you. Why, never has there been and never will there be a medicine, a tonic, a potion more able to cure what truly ails you, the person standing beside you, and all others on the face of God’s green earth! I now present to you, for the paltry sum of only a few dollars, the healing, blood pressure reducing, diabetes controlling, fat melting properties of the elixir of the angels themselves: balsamic vinegar.

Yup, balsamic vinegar. Pay no attention to that man behind the preceding paragraph, but balsamic vinegar really is what we’re gonna’ chat about today. It’s important. In fact, I think it’s very important. Balsamic vinegar is something I have known of for years, but only personally discovered over the past few months. Listen, (or more accurately,) read closely, dear friends, because this just might save your life. Yup, again. It’s true, and nope, I’m not kidding. Not even a little.

You see, or you will see… that several months ago, yours truly was diagnosed with the common but dreaded and irreversible disease of diabetes. Previously to this I thought that this malady was reserved for older folks than myself. That was before the day I happened to look in a mirror. And so, weeks ago, with no fanfare, newspaper headlines or interviews by the press, it was announced to me that I am now, officially, a diabetic. In deference to my mutually Christian, obviously scholarly friends, I should not mention that my first reaction was an audible, less-than-gentlemanly exclamation to my physician of “Oh… Crap.” But, I guess I did just mention it. Since that time I have been getting used to my brand new, tiny diabetic meter and the annoying little prick that came with it. (Can I say that?)

Shortly after the dastardly diagnosis was made, I happened to be on a phone conversation with my daughter Cathy, discussing the problem. Cathy is a very accomplished pediatric nurse, and, although I probably should have been talking more to a geriatric one, she had a wonderful bit of advice for me. You see, a big part of controlling diabetes is in the act of controlling weight. My weight was, at that time, at an all-time high, and I’m sure that was a contributing factor to my recent high sugar numbers. My doctor had told me that carbs, more than anything else, brought on the ‘D’ disease. So had Sylvia G., my very patient and helpful diabetic councelor. (Before this I hadn’t had a councelor since teen summer camp.) Cathy’s wonderful advice was to eat less bread and pasta, and substitute whatever my evening meal was with a big green salad of my choice, (Now listen carefully.) and use just balsamic vinegar AS the dressing, not IN the dressing. She and my councelor had both suggested adding protein by putting some chicken strips or tuna on the salad. I’m telling you, friends and neighbors, that that wonderful balsamic stuff is simply delicious. Yum! My biggest meal of the day is now loaded with vitamins, minerals, protein, and is almost totally fat-free.

Less than two months after my conversation with Cathy, and with few other adjustments, my blood glucose numbers are down, almost to normal, my tri-glycerides (Those are bad things.) are less than half what they were, and I have PAINLESSLY lost nearly twenty pounds, so far. Another great thing is that I’m not tired of what I’m doing. I still love those salads!

I have since been reminded by my wife that her grandmother always drank a juice glass of vinegar-water every morning. I remember seeing her do this. She had been told it was good for your arteries. She lived well into her mid-nineties.

If you’re overweight, (If you’re in America, and eat food, odds are, you are.) then, sorry, Pudgy. Don‘t pout… you’re just one of us. Lay off the ‘Lay’s’, forget the fries, and deny the McDoubles for a while. Step right up and get yourself a big bottle of balsamic vinegar. It just might save your life.