The Murderer In The Driveway

By G. E. Shuman


Words are funny things.  They really are, and I believe this is especially so in the English language.  Words mean different things to different people, and can easily be misused, misheard, misinterpreted, or misread.  Some of this misinformation is probably intentional.  If you are a politician there is no ‘probably’ about that.  Sadly, when listening to a politician you have to weigh whether or not that person’s words are true and accurate.  It goes the same for listening to children, except with kids you don’t have to worry about the truthful part.  Kids may mix a word up here and there, but they tell it like it is. In fact, kids can be painfully honest, like the time when a small Sunday School child, whom I thought was taking in my every word, as she stared at me, suddenly raised her hand and asked me why I had hair in my nose.
I would like you to ‘listen’ to a short, recent, truthful conversation in the car, between my daughter Cathy, and her three year old daughter, Ayvah.  Crime, truly, is all around us, as recently observed by this beautiful and brilliant three year old granddaughter of mine, in that conversation with her mom.  Here‘s the way the conversation went, as Cathy related it to me.
Cathy: “So, here’s the story. We were riding in the car and Ayvah said to me: ‘There was a man in the driveway.’  I asked her who he was, and she said, ‘He was a murderer!’  I then asked her what he was doing, and she said that he was over near the cars and the house.  I also asked her how she knew he was a murderer.  She said: ‘Because he didn’t have a car, and he had on a hat and had one tool.’  I asked what kind of hat he had, and Ayvah then said: ‘a soft hat’  (It was about seven degrees out.)”
Cathy continued: “I then asked Ayvah if she had told her dad, and she said ‘No.’  She said her dad was upstairs, and she was watching the man out the window.  I paused, and then I asked her what she meant by a ‘murderer.’“
Ayvah: “You know, the guys who come if your power goes out, to fix it and stuff.”
Cathy: “I said, ‘Oh, a METER READER!’”
Ayvah: “Yeah… he was checking the murder.”

Your English is perfect, Ayvah.  Energy costs are a killer.
Love, Grampy