By G. E. Shuman
Several days ago my wife came home from running an errand. My vehicle happened to be behind her minivan in the driveway when she left, so she had taken my car. Later, when we both entered my car for another short trip, the as-short conversation went something like this:
“Thanks a lot for giving me your car with the gas below empty.” She said. “I had to fill it up before I could even use it.”
“Fill it up?” I replied. “It’s still below half full.”
“I PUT twenty five dollars in it.” She said right back.
“You’re kidding.” I then said right back at her, trying slightly to get a rise out of her. With one glance at her face I knew she was not kidding at all.
You see, Lorna has been quite upset lately by the rising costs of everything from grill-gas to groceries, as have most of us. My oft’ repeated admonitions about the high cost of energy and transportation have been of no great help in the matter, but that‘s what husbands are for.
So, for Lorna’s benefit and yours, I have decided to dedicate this column to nine of the positive benefits of high fuel prices. Yes, I said positive benefits, and I invite you to agree with me that they are. Please be sure my straight jacket has extra long sleeves. Thank you.
1. Just look at how much faster gas station pumps have become since the stuff has approached four dollars a gallon. I know they have, because it used to take several minutes for me to put ten dollars worth of gas in my car. Now I can put in twenty five dollars worth, just as Lorna did before running her errand, in no time flat. In fact, she should have thanked me for all the time she saved that day. The numbers on those pump dials just fly by! What more could we ask for?
2. Add to that benefit, the fact that these days, if you have an old junker and decide to sell it, you don’t even have to bother painting it to increase its sales value considerably. Just drive it to Cumby’s and fill up the tank! How cool is that?
3. I have noticed it is once again becoming ‘in’ to drive a small car, and I have always liked small cars. (Do people even say that something is ‘in‘, anymore?) In some ways, big cars are actually mimicking small cars. My daughter’s new SUV, (letters which I think stand for ‘Suckin’ Up Volumes‘,) has an expensive big engine which runs on only four cylinders at highway speeds, to save gas. My car runs on four cylinders ALL the time. Talk about being on the cutting edge.
4. They say that driving slower saves gas, and lives, which are certainly great benefits. Just imagine how many gallons and lives will be saved when we can’t afford to drive our cars at all anymore. Wow! (I’m not actually sure that driving slow saves gas, though. My wife always drives slow, and still buys a lot of gas each week. Taking that slow driving idea to an extreme, I might suggest that she try driving backwards, and see if the tank overflows. It’s just a thought.)
5. Another benefit is that we are all learning to conserve, and I’m a conservative by nature and upbringing, so that’s fine with me. Hopefully, we are becoming much wiser in our attempts to combine trips, car pool, and find other inventive ways to use the vehicles we paid so much for, less and less. In doing so, we waste and pollute less and less also. Just imagine how wise it would have been to not have purchased the things in the first place. Thanks for the lesson, big oil.
6. Added to the benefits previously mentioned in number five, using our cars less helps in other ways as well. True, we may soon not go anywhere, anymore, but that’s okay. It will be so much longer between those pesky oil changes, and our tires will last nearly forever! In fact, if things get much worse, my wife’s minivan may even outlive its payment book. We will probably get an extra year or two out of the thing if we leave it under the carport. Then we can afford to put gas in it and start driving it again. Oh goodie!
7. Moving on from the ever increasing value of our cars and the gas in them, think of the great advantages that will be ours if heating oil keeps gaining in price! Just imagine how close-knit our families will become next winter, as we huddle on the couch in our cold living rooms. We will have a real chance to gain new appreciation for our homes, as we will be spending much more time in them, watching movies by peaking out from under our quilts and comforters. How cozy! Thank you again, oil companies!
(Now we will take a short break for a helpful hint on conserving energy. If you can afford the trip, go out and buy a bunch of those compact florescent bulbs. You know, the ones that look like you bought them at the Dairy Queen. I installed about twenty of those bulbs last fall, and although I haven’t noticed much savings on my electric bill, they certainly must save something. I know they don’t last the eight years promised on the package, as I had to change six of them yesterday, but that is a good thing. During the several weeks that they were burned out before I got around to buying more, they used no electricity at all!)
8. The very biggest benefit of high fuel prices is that, if things get ridiculous enough, good old American ingenuity will finally kick in, just as it did back in the industrial age. (No, I wasn’t here to see that firsthand.) I do know that when things really get rough, as it looks like they soon might, the inventors and entrepreneurs of our great country will come out of the woodwork, and simply, or not so simply, solve the problem. Can anyone say: “efficiently remove hydrogen from water, (something we have oceans of) and BURN IT?” When this all happens the only way the OPEC leaders will buy their new Mercedes’ will be to export the one other resource they have in abundance, and sell their homelands for kitty litter.
9. One last advantage that I just thought of involves a piece of advice for young married couples facing the next few cold hard winters. Save your fuel and electricity, kids. Turn down the heat, shut off the lights, and get to bed early each night. Any complaints so far? With luck this will lead to a brand new, huge boom of babies in the next few years. We can call them something besides baby boomers, though. How about BTU babies, enviro-infants, or conservation kids? The way I see it, the little darlings will grow up and become contributing taxpayers just in time to help kick in for about the final ten years of my future social security checks. Now that’s what I call a benefit!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
The Sand Turtle
By G. E. Shuman
We discovered the big turtle, buried only inches beneath the surface of the moist pile of sand. My daughter Emily and two of my grandchildren, Devon and Jaidyn were there with me at the time of the discovery. Only days into our Myrtle Beach spring vacation this year, the find was, indeed, a great one. By all accounts, this was one of the largest and most quickly uncovered sand turtles I had ever met, on any beach, anywhere.
I had asked the kids to help me find the turtle, and they immediately began digging and piling up the sand. “More sand!” I teasingly commanded as they toiled with plastic pails and tiny shovels. “If we are to get to the sand turtle, we must move a LOT of sand!” I watched as they worked, and encouraged them to get wet sand, because I knew how much big turtles love wet sand. Emily had been through this process many times over the years with me, but I had never uncovered a sand turtle with Devon and Jaidyn before. I hoped that the kids were all enjoying the discovery as much as I was.
But then, I came to a decision which was simply the wrong one for me to make at the time. We humans seem to do that from time to time. This human probably does it more often than most. The problem is that many situations call for decisions, and if those are to be made, then there are always chances for error. A right of left turn, a yes or no answer, can all lead to a happy or sad ending to any adventure. So can a decision involving the discovery of a huge sand turtle. As I said, the decision I made that sunny southern afternoon was the wrong one. And I wish now that I could take that decision back.
You see, the kids and I had come to the point of actually discovering the amazing turtle within the pile of sand, and I wanted it to go just right. On every sand turtle discovery vacation before this one, Emily has helped me uncover the massive turtles. But this time the grandkids were with us, and I had already bragged to them about all the years past, at the beach. I had told them of the other beach-goers stopping to admire, comment on, and photograph the turtles we always seem to find. I wanted this particular turtle to be the best ever, for them. So I asked, to my shame, for Emily to let me uncover the turtle by myself. It really seemed like a good decision to make at the time, as many wrong decisions do. In fact, it was such a good decision that I never noticed Emily and the other kids walking away to play together, without me. I was much too busy, spooning, shoveling and brushing away all the sand that was not turtle, leaving only that which was. After only a half hour or so, there he was… one of the biggest turtles that we, or I had ever uncovered in the sand. I was quite proud of the discovery. I was too proud of myself.
Soon Emily was back at my side, but she didn’t seem impressed with the big turtle at all. “What’s wrong?” I immediately asked, when I saw the look of disappointment on her face. “Don’t you like the turtle?”
“You did it all yourself, Dad. Usually I get to help.” She said, as she walked away again. I then realized that I had ruined, for this day, one of the most enjoyable things Emily and I share. You see, each beach vacation week we seem to only discover one large turtle, and this year, I had hogged the discovery.
The very next morning the kids and I walked out onto the beach to check the waves, and to see how the turtle had fared through the night. Even big sand turtles like ours need to be checked on once in a while, you know. To the kid’s slight disappointment, and to my shame, our turtle was nowhere to be seen. I could only surmise that he had somehow found his way, in the night, back to the sea. I had been sure we had uncovered him far enough up on the beach so that he would be safe from the tide, but, in this decision too, I had been wrong. Indeed, the vast Atlantic Ocean had called him back, and had wholly swallowed him up, even as we slept. The sand in which he had so proudly sat was now utterly featureless and flat. Not even a turtle footprint or any other trace was there to mark the spot, or show the path he had taken to get away. I knew we would never see the turtle again.
At that moment I realized, that just the day before, I had sorely disappointed my little girl over something that was here for only hours, and quickly gone, forever. I had made her a less than happy vacation memory, for the selfish and fleeting pride of a temporary accomplishment, and I was sad. I vowed to never let that happen again, and immediately asked Emily for her help in every future sand turtle discovery that I make.
Dear readers, all that we individually accomplish in life; anything we discover, uncover, or make, is temporary at best, as was my big turtle. Children and grandchildren grow up all too quickly. Let us never waste precious moments we can share with our loved ones, on pride, or possessions, or position, or other things made of sand.
We discovered the big turtle, buried only inches beneath the surface of the moist pile of sand. My daughter Emily and two of my grandchildren, Devon and Jaidyn were there with me at the time of the discovery. Only days into our Myrtle Beach spring vacation this year, the find was, indeed, a great one. By all accounts, this was one of the largest and most quickly uncovered sand turtles I had ever met, on any beach, anywhere.
I had asked the kids to help me find the turtle, and they immediately began digging and piling up the sand. “More sand!” I teasingly commanded as they toiled with plastic pails and tiny shovels. “If we are to get to the sand turtle, we must move a LOT of sand!” I watched as they worked, and encouraged them to get wet sand, because I knew how much big turtles love wet sand. Emily had been through this process many times over the years with me, but I had never uncovered a sand turtle with Devon and Jaidyn before. I hoped that the kids were all enjoying the discovery as much as I was.
But then, I came to a decision which was simply the wrong one for me to make at the time. We humans seem to do that from time to time. This human probably does it more often than most. The problem is that many situations call for decisions, and if those are to be made, then there are always chances for error. A right of left turn, a yes or no answer, can all lead to a happy or sad ending to any adventure. So can a decision involving the discovery of a huge sand turtle. As I said, the decision I made that sunny southern afternoon was the wrong one. And I wish now that I could take that decision back.
You see, the kids and I had come to the point of actually discovering the amazing turtle within the pile of sand, and I wanted it to go just right. On every sand turtle discovery vacation before this one, Emily has helped me uncover the massive turtles. But this time the grandkids were with us, and I had already bragged to them about all the years past, at the beach. I had told them of the other beach-goers stopping to admire, comment on, and photograph the turtles we always seem to find. I wanted this particular turtle to be the best ever, for them. So I asked, to my shame, for Emily to let me uncover the turtle by myself. It really seemed like a good decision to make at the time, as many wrong decisions do. In fact, it was such a good decision that I never noticed Emily and the other kids walking away to play together, without me. I was much too busy, spooning, shoveling and brushing away all the sand that was not turtle, leaving only that which was. After only a half hour or so, there he was… one of the biggest turtles that we, or I had ever uncovered in the sand. I was quite proud of the discovery. I was too proud of myself.
Soon Emily was back at my side, but she didn’t seem impressed with the big turtle at all. “What’s wrong?” I immediately asked, when I saw the look of disappointment on her face. “Don’t you like the turtle?”
“You did it all yourself, Dad. Usually I get to help.” She said, as she walked away again. I then realized that I had ruined, for this day, one of the most enjoyable things Emily and I share. You see, each beach vacation week we seem to only discover one large turtle, and this year, I had hogged the discovery.
The very next morning the kids and I walked out onto the beach to check the waves, and to see how the turtle had fared through the night. Even big sand turtles like ours need to be checked on once in a while, you know. To the kid’s slight disappointment, and to my shame, our turtle was nowhere to be seen. I could only surmise that he had somehow found his way, in the night, back to the sea. I had been sure we had uncovered him far enough up on the beach so that he would be safe from the tide, but, in this decision too, I had been wrong. Indeed, the vast Atlantic Ocean had called him back, and had wholly swallowed him up, even as we slept. The sand in which he had so proudly sat was now utterly featureless and flat. Not even a turtle footprint or any other trace was there to mark the spot, or show the path he had taken to get away. I knew we would never see the turtle again.
At that moment I realized, that just the day before, I had sorely disappointed my little girl over something that was here for only hours, and quickly gone, forever. I had made her a less than happy vacation memory, for the selfish and fleeting pride of a temporary accomplishment, and I was sad. I vowed to never let that happen again, and immediately asked Emily for her help in every future sand turtle discovery that I make.
Dear readers, all that we individually accomplish in life; anything we discover, uncover, or make, is temporary at best, as was my big turtle. Children and grandchildren grow up all too quickly. Let us never waste precious moments we can share with our loved ones, on pride, or possessions, or position, or other things made of sand.
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