By G. E. Shuman
I
know what you’re likely thinking; what kind of a crackpot would write a
newspaper column about a crock-pot? Truthfully, I guess I don’t have an answer
to that question, and, since this isn’t a recipe page or something from a
cooking channel, the crack about being a crackpot is probably fitting. In any
case, this column is dedicated, this week, to the lowly crock-pot.
Everyone
has one of these things, and if everyone doesn’t, they really should get one.
We have two of them at our house, even though that may seem a bit extravagant.
One cost about $20, and the other was sold to my wife by a friend of hers, in
brand new condition, for $1, for some reason. The crock-pot was what was in brand
new condition, not necessarily my wife’s friend. (That may have seemed somewhat
unkind and I’m sorry that I said it. Oh well, too late now.)
Since
I do most of the cooking at our house, I was introduced to the use of
crock-pots years ago. I have to say that they are about the most convenient
things in the world for a guy like me, who knows little (or nothing) about fine
cooking, to use. I just throw something in there, like a roast, a
chicken, ingredients for my special homemade chili, meatballs, or almost
anything else, put the cover on, and presto, it comes out perfectly done every
time. In fact, using a crock-pot to make a meal is about the only thing in life
that I haven’t had some success at screwing up, so far.
I
think that crock-pots were originally designed for people like me, who are not,
as I said, gourmet cooks. Both of our pots have just one little knob on the
front, which simply says Off, Low, High, and Keep Warm. How much easier could
it get than that? Off is pretty much self-explanatory and Low and High are not
that hard to figure out either. Keep Warm is just a friendly Vermont greeting,
I think. I’m not even convinced that the setting matters much anyway. With
either the high or low setting I can throw some pork in there in the morning,
dump barbecue sauce all over it, and by evening have perfect pulled-pork
sandwiches for dinner. I can also make mac and cheese or my special
beef stew, even in the summer, without heating up the kitchen, or an entire chicken
dinner without ever going near the stove or watching to be sure nothing burns.
I’m
also confident that a crock-pot uses very little electricity. I don’t have
statistics, but I would wager, if I was a pot wagering man, that it costs less
to cook a meal in one than it does to make my coffee and English muffin in the
morning, especially since our toaster is slower than death and I always have to
push the handle down at least twice. This claim could be an exaggeration, but
you know me better than that.
So,
that’s my column in praise of crock-pots. If you have one somewhere in the deep
dark recesses of your cookware cupboard, haul it out, plug it in, and make
something delicious for dinner. Easy-peasy. If you don’t have one, get to
Stuff-Mart and get one. Your family will think you’re awesome. Mine thinks I
actually know how to cook.
