By G. E. Shuman
Just in
case you are interested, this is the month that my wife and I get new
cellphones. Now, aren’t you excited? The time is right, the contract is up, and
my phone is about to give up the ghost. Still, even given the condition of my present
cellphone, I’m not entirely sure that I ‘need’ a new one at all, but I will, I
am sure, get one.
Actually,
if I am going to have a cellphone, that means that if it is considered by my
wife, my kids, my grandkids, and the rest of the civilized world, that I need
to have one, then mine is a good candidate for being replaced. My phone is a ‘dumb’ phone, and seems to be
getting dumber every day. It works, but
only sometimes. In that last respect, it is somewhat like me. For the past few
months my phone has refused to charge its battery when I plug it in for that
purpose. Just so that you know, I have
figured out that the battery is fine.
It’s the phone that is not fine.
When my phone ‘dies’, for lack of
power, and lack of a better term for it, I have to get my wife’s phone out of
her purse, and swap the batteries. (How
romantic that must be for the phones.) I then plug her phone in, to charge the
dead battery that I have just installed in it.
(I’m sure that this all is getting a bit tedious for you, as it does for
me, about three times per week, when my phone shuts off in the middle of a
conversation.) It always amazes me that
my wife’s phone, (which is the exact model that mine is,) looks as if she just
took it out of the box on Christmas morning, or something. My phone looks like it belongs in the trash,
and I’m not sure why this situation is as it is. I think that my phone must be made out of some
inferior plastic to what hers is made out of.
My phone must retain scratches more easily than hers. She thinks it’s because my phone frequently
ends up in the driveway, or on the cement floor in the cellar, or mingling with
the dust bunnies under the couch. I
doubt all of those reasons. My glasses also get scratched sooner than hers do,
and she would probably quote those same reasons for that, also.
Admittedly,
my phone is not in the shape it used to be in, any more than I am. Truthfully, I don’t really care how my phone
looks, or that it is a dumb phone, not a smart one. The dead battery issue does frustrate me a
bit. I’m not sure why that had to happen
to mine, and not hers. My son insists
that it is because I throw my phone. I
contend that that’s just not true. I’m
not saying that I don’t throw it, just that that’s not the reason the battery
won’t charge in it. There is some other
reason, I’m sure. It probably also has
to do with that inferior plastic they were using in China the day that they
made my phone, and not the day that they made Lorna’s.
Now,
back to the idea of whether or not I actually need’ a cellphone at all. One or two of my kids, (all of whom are
adults,) say that I do, because I need to have them be able to get in touch
with me if they need something. Oh… really?
My question is, why do I need for that to happen, and who do I call if I need
something? And, as I always ponder, if the
phone is necessary, how did the countless generations survive before such
things as cellphones were invented? I
think dads were still asked for help, somehow. Also, my phone almost always
rings when I’m at work, or at home. In
both places there are old fashioned land line phones, which still work very
well. If I am driving I’m not supposed
to answer my phone anyway, and if I’m somewhere else, chances are my wife is
with me, and she has a phone. Chances
also are that people could wait to tell me later that I need to help them do
something next week.
A few weeks ago,
on a Monday, my phone battery died, somewhere between home and work. That evening I forgot to swap my battery with
my wife’s phone’s battery, and went to work with my phone… dead, in my pocket,
the following day, and also the day after that.
I soon forgot how much I needed the phone, and left it on my dresser the
rest of the week. Saturday morning came, and while my wife was still sleeping I
decided I actually should revive the old thing, (My phone, not my wife.) and
check for messages. I did so, and there
were none. Hum…. none. I survived, and
so did the rest of the world, while my phone rested in peace for nearly a week.
Coincidentally, my daughter got a new, very
smart phone, just yesterday. It really is
very smart, and, I immediately noticed, it is also very big. That seems to be a
fact of nature, or, more precisely, of un-natural things made by man. Cars, TVs, computers, phones and other things
all contract and expand with time. They
get smaller, then bigger, and smaller, and smarter, and bigger, right before
our eyes. What a world. When I saw Em’s
new phone, last night, my first thought was, ‘gee, that could be flipped over
and used for a nice serving tray.’ (A
slight exaggeration, but it did seem big, to me, as I tried to stretch my
fingers around it, to hold it. I guess
she can use both hands, and, at least she won’t lose it.)
Still,
with all of this said, I am sure I will get a new phone, and soon. It’s new phone month, after all, and mine is
preparing to go to that big cell tower in the sky. I am also sure that, this time, I will get a
smart phone. Yippee! Oh joy! I will have
one more new thing to learn how to operate.
(You can tell that I’m getting old.) You know, those smart phones are pretty
fragile, and you can’t keep them in the paper box that they come in, or so I am
told. My wife will probably want me to get one of those sixty dollar rubber
covers for it, (no markup there), for the next time I get in the mood to play
phone Frisbee.
