The Things I ‘Love’ About Winter

 

By G. E. Shuman

 

Most people who enjoy winter in the North have a few things in common. They either love outdoor sports, like skiing, snowboarding, and snow machining, or they are into making snowmen, snow angels, and other strange snow things. They love awaiting the first snowfall, which normally hits our area before we get our pumpkins carved, and they get excited by that ‘winter wonderland’ feeling of a snowy Christmas. Well, I don’t do or feel much of that. I used to, but not anymore. 

I am pretty sure that aging is directly proportional to a lack of tolerance of cold weather. Either that or I’m just getting cranky in my elder years. I guess that’s why God makes snow birds and sends them off to Florida every winter.

I always ‘look forward’ (joking) to my first winter preparation ‘ritual’ which usually has something to do with fixing the snowblower and checking to see if it is gassed up and actually starts. (The only thing I dislike more than snow blowing is shoveling when there is no gas in the blower. I almost never let that happen.) Getting the thing ready for the first blizzard is just so satisfying. Sure.

I also have an exciting time, usually sometime in January, trying to unscrew the garden hose from the house after there is already ice in it. (I don’t have a garden… just a hose. I’m terrible at growing things.) I am reminded that I didn’t disconnect that hose when I notice it, still attached to the house, while driving into the yard. This is always on the coldest and windiest day of that month. I then go inside, remove my boots, go to the cellar, find the correct wrench, or one that will possibly work, go back up the cellar stairs, put my boots back on and go back outside to undo the hose. I then drag the stiff thing down into the cellar, again. It all seems so familiar. Now I’ll just have to see, again, in the spring, if the hose split and if I will get to buy a nice new one. Yea!

Another thing I love about winter is that I don’t have to mow the lawn. Having a ridiculously small lawn, I shouldn’t complain about taking care of it, but I do, anyway. It is always a joy to me when the lawn finally gives up the ghost sometime in August and just stops growing. I don’t water it with my new yearly garden hose, (I wonder if it will be a bright green one this year.) The hose is mostly just out there so that I can disconnect it when it’s really cold out. I also do, in the summer, wash the cars out there. I also would NEVER buy lawn food. That would not help my feeble lawn grow much, and even if it did help, that wouldn’t help.  A nice snow-covered lawn is smooth, and some people think, pretty. In any case, the snow covers that grass very uniformly and builds up as the frigid days linger. The difference between it and grass is, mostly, that it will get rid of itself after it gets to be a certain height. Sun doesn’t help it grow; it helps it go away, which is good. So, that’s another good thing about winter.

I also get to stay home more in the winter, and I don’t mind that at all. There’s nothing like hunkering down on a cold winter’s night and listening to the furnace run.

Eventually the snow will go, and I will head to the hardware store, peruse the seed display and outdoor tools, (for someone else’s garden,) and pick out my new garden hose. I wonder what color it will be this year.  Like I said, I don’t have a garden, just a hose. I’m terrible at growing things.

 

 

Replacement Resolutions (For men who have already forgotten theirs.)

 

By G. E. Shuman

 

New Year’s resolutions are quite easy to make. Somehow, right around New Year’s Day many of us make some bold decision or other, and also, somehow, many of us keep that ‘resolution’ exactly until the first time we forget to do it. Then it’s just all over.

My ‘resolution,’ although I did not say it was a resolution, was to walk more. I thought I could do that, because more than ‘not at all’ didn’t seem like a big task. Still, it is a week past the start of the year, and I haven’t walked more, yet. The road to the mall is paved with good intentions, or something like that. In any case, that’s where I intended, and still do intend to walk until the weather improves. Then I intend to walk the sidewalks of our town. Ya, okay.

You may have something else in mind, resolution’-wise.  You may intend to lose weight, or get a new job, or save money, or do all three of these or something entirely different than these, this year. Whatever your case may be, isn’t it great, at the very beginning of a new year, to have some brand-new goals too? I think so.

I am a man, and can only speak here for my own gender, but I do have a few suggestions for guys of my age and attitude. If you have not yet resolved to resolve something, how about starting with these things? Or, if you’re like me and have somehow resolved to procrastinate on committing to your resolutions, the following simple things might be just what your new year needs.

Firstly, be polite, have manners. Open doors for ladies, especially older ladies. You may get a few dirty looks in doing so, but I doubt it.  At my age, the older ones are getting harder to find but they are still there.

Use please and thank you. You learned how when you were a little boy, from a lady not unlike the older ones you’re attempting to open doors for now.

Next, do more things for yourself. If you shop at stores that deliver your items right out to your car, don’t use that service. Get your butt out of the car and do your own shopping. You know, if more of us did that we would get more exercise, there would be more parking spaces for all customers, and the stores could train those cart employees to cash people out, like they used to. And then there are the safety issues. A few weeks ago, I was nearly bowled over by three vested zealous employees as they pulled what first appeared to me to be a Smurf Christmas train across the store.

Also, as a man, when you enter a building, maybe a store, but especially a church or someone’s home, take off your danged hat. It isn’t that hard to do. Military men tuck their hats under their armpits without even thinking about it. The rest of us have armpits too… right? I think so.

And, not to put anyone down, but please watch your language? Do this around ladies, children, your mother, and your dog. Using the ‘f’ word, especially, three times in each sentence makes a person sound a bit language-challenged. Sorry.

Say I’m sorry if you’re sorry, like I did at the end of the last suggestion.

Lastly, and possibly most importantly, a great resolution would be to take the advice that the late Fred Rogers once offered when asked to tell the three most important things a person could do in life. His reply? “Be kind, be kind, be kind.”